Retail Etiquette 101

Mark your calendar!

2009-11-05T15:55:00.007-05:00

Okay, so I think I've established the fact that I deal with a lot of annoying, rude customers. Well what *really* brightens my day, is when one of the ARC's (Annoying Rude Customers) calls, chews my ear off asking 1000 questions and then tells me EXACTLY what day and time they'll be coming in. Awesome!

So not only have I had to deal with you on the phone, but now I can mark off your next visit on my freakin calendar. Yay! I'm *so* glad you told me when you'll be coming in......something to look forward to!!

At least *surprise* me with your annoying self. ::*jeeze*:: Now when that day comes, I'm gonna cringe every time a customer walks through that door thinking it's YOU. Why don't you just give me a description of what you'll be wearing, too.....so at least I know it's you, the ARC, walking in to torment me!

I can spell "Bob", seriously.

2009-11-04T17:11:00.023-05:00

When I'm writing down a customer's name and phone number, this often happens......

Me: "Your last name?"

Them: "Smith. S, as in Sam. M, as in Mary. I, as in Indiana. T, as in Tom. H, as in Hawaii."

Me: "Your first name?"

Them: "Nancy. N, as in nice. A, as in apple. N, as in nice. C, as in cat. Y, as in yes."

Okay, SERIOUSLY?! You are standing right in front of me. You are literally a few inches away from my ears and you're spelling out something as simple as "Smith" & "Nancy"?! We're *not* on the phone, we are practically touching hands and you feel the need to spell out your ENTIRE name!

What is wrong with you?! Are you trying to make your boring-a** name sound more interesting by spelling it out and making references to apples and Hawaii? NOT. WORKINGGG.

How about I spell *this* out for you......

I'M ---> I, as in idiot. M, as in moron.

NOT ---> N, as in nuisance. O, as in obnoxious. T, as in time to stop spelling "Nancy".

FIVE ---> F, as in foolish. I, as in ignorant. V, as in very stupid. E, as in education...which apparently you don't think I have, because you're standing here spelling out "Nancy Smith".

You got that, Nancy?? "I'm. Not. Five." As in.....I'm not five-years-old. I CAN SPELL.

I'm just *waiting* for the day that "Bob" comes in and tries spelling out his name for me!

Quote of the Day

2009-11-04T17:00:00.008-05:00

"I need one that's long and pointy."

Credit Card Lady.....cough

2009-10-29T10:58:00.003-04:00

So I was getting over a bad cold, but still couldn't shake my cough. I was ringing a lady up at the register and when I told her the total she takes out her credit card, pauses and says to me, "Can *she* swipe my credit card?" (pointing to my co-worker) My co-worker tells her, "Oh, she can swipe it for you." I'm thinking, lady, why are you asking her when *I'm* the one ringing you up and helping you?

The woman says to her, "She's sick." My co-worker tells her, "Well, she *just* washed her hands." (which was true, I had JUST washed my hands) "And JUST coughed on them," the lady snootily responds.

She tells me that she just got over being sick......she was so sick she had to take time off work, blah blah blah. All the while *clinging* to her credit card for dear life!

My co-worker then chimes in and says, "Actually, I caught a cold from *her*.....so she's getting better and I'm getting worse." ::*love it!*:: The mortified look on her face was PRICELESS. She had this look like, "Oh jesus, what am I gonna doooooo?!! They're all sick! They're all gonna get ME sick!!"

She then had the balls to ask me, "Can I come around the counter and swipe it?" I'm thinking......helloooooooooooooo, you moron! The doorknob you touched when you walked in the store is 1000x's more dirty than my freakin' hands! If you're soooo worried about getting sick, why did you even leave your damn house this morning? You couldn't go another day without that *precious* sponge?!?!

I tell her NO, but if she'd like me to I will go wash my hands. (I'm thinking, has it really come to this? This woman is that *scared* of me getting her sick that she won't hand over her credit card.) She stood there contemplating what she should do.....wasting my freakin' time. *Losing my patience* I tell her AGAIN, if you'd like me to go wash my hands, I will.

After a very long *annoying* pause, she says, "Okay, yes."

I went and washed my *germy* hands and she forked over the card......FINALLY. It took all of the willpower I had in me not to cough all over that goddamn credit card and throw it in her face, *frisbee style*!

Quote of the Day

2009-10-27T10:28:00.016-04:00

"Hold it real tight so it doesn't shoot out the end."

Slobbery Money

2009-10-08T14:50:00.026-04:00

Why, oh WHY, do you need to lick your fingers before taking out your dollar bills and handing them to me? They're not brand new bills that are sticking together. In fact, they're wrinkly old bills that are very easy to take out one by one withOUT licking your fingers.

Do you think I now want to touch those bills? The answer is no......NO. I don't want to have anything to do with those bills now that you've touched them with your slobbery fingers. Gross. Let me go grab a pair of tongs.....seriously.

Would you like it if I spit on my fingers before giving you back your change?....What was that?....No, you wouldn't? Yeah, I didn't think so. Then why would you think I would be okay with it? Not cool....in fact, disgusting.

Onion Goggles

2009-10-08T11:32:00.017-04:00

People are OBSESSED with Onion Goggles. I've never seen anyone get so excited and giddy as do customers when they discover that we have onion goggles. Most people don't even know they exist, so when they stumble upon them they seriously have a laughing fit for at least 2 minutes.

"Onion Goggles??!! Hahahahahahahahaha." Ummm...... seriously? Chill. Calm down. They're just onion goggles. You really don't need them, but if you're gonna buy them can you *please* not discuss how funny they are or how usually you take your kids' swim goggles when you're cutting an onion and now you'll have a pair of your own!

Had a woman purchase a pair recently and she asked, "What are my color options?" I said, "Black." She responded with, "Tah, seriously?!" Uh, yeah lady.....seriously. *Seriously*....you don't need the goggles to match your outfit. *hair-twirl, flaky giggle* It's okay, black matches EVERYTHING!!!

Always In My Way

2009-10-07T10:45:00.002-04:00

It doesn't matter where I am in the store, where I need to go or what I need to stock the shelves with......there is ALWAYS someone in my way. It's like a *not-so-funny* joke being played on me, ALL THE TIME.

If I'm unpacking a shipment and turn around to put the items out on the shelves, there's someone there! So I'll wait and grab something else to put out, and get this.......someone is where that needs to go!

The customers are like magnets that parallel my every move and then decide to stick to exactly where I need to be. They *somehow* know where I'm going and HAVE to be there at the very same time. It's come to the point that I sort of assume that someone will be in my way. It's not that customers do this on purpose per se, but it's become this joke that no matter what I need to do someone is always standing right there, blocking where I need to go .

And yes people, I am perfectly capable of saying "excuse me", but since most human beings don't understand that "excuse me" means "get the hell out of my way, please".....it's just better to walk away and avoid the frustration.

Quote of the Day

2009-09-30T18:31:00.014-04:00

"We're sold out of the number twos right now."

MY time vs. YOUR time

2009-09-30T14:53:00.004-04:00

Okay people, get this.......MY time is just as valuable as YOUR time.

What does that mean? It means that when I'm ringing you up at the register and you decide to walk away to look at something *sparkly!* that catches your eye for a whole two minutes, I could be doing something else that needs to be done. Or, when I'm walking over to show you where something is and you stop to *pet* something you see and I'm standing there, waiting.....I could be doing something more productive.

See, here's the thing.......just because I am serving YOU, doesn't mean that MY time isn't as valuable as YOUR time. Do ya get it? *flaky giggle*

The Cleaning Lady Always Gets Blamed

2009-09-30T11:49:00.007-04:00

Working in a sort of "upscale" shopping area, we deal with a lot of women who *surprisingly* run their own errands, yet can't/don't/won't do their own dishes....laundry....cooking. As a result, they give these tasks to their cleaning ladies.

I'm the lucky gal that gets to hear things like, *yuppie voice* "My cleeeeaning lady ruined my knives"...."My fryyyyyy pan got ruined because the cleeeeaning lady put it in the dishwasher".....

Well, did you ever tell your CL not to put your fry pan in the dishwasher? I'd bet five whole dollars you never did!

Sometimes it seems as though they expect me to respond with, "OMG, your cleeeeaning lady doesn't KNOW not to put your fry pan in the dishwasher?!" Yeah, not gonna happen. I'm my own cleaning lady, sweetie.....I have no sympathy for you.

The cleaning lady always gets blamed......

Baby Steps _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

2009-09-29T23:46:00.009-04:00

This happens often and it drives me craaaazy....a customer will come up to the counter and ask if we carry something, let's say a *corkscrew*, for example. I will walk over to where the corkscrews are and when I turn around to interact with them, they are still standing at the counter......WAITING for me to bring over all 6 types that we carry. Sometimes they're not even looking at me---just staring straight ahead waiting.

Ummm, no.......*head/hand zig-zag*---> I. Don't. Think. So. Walk your lazy a** over here and check them out for yourself, cuz I I'm not bringing all 6 over to you!

I don't see a caaaaaane. You're not limping. Get yo' a** over here. I am not your servant, nor am I your personal assistant. Nope. No. Nada.

*Obnoxious, high-pitched voice* Come on, youuuuuuu can do it!

One foot in front of the other......baby steps! *clapping* Yayyyyy!!

Get yo' credit card outta ma' face

2009-09-08T13:36:00.014-04:00

A customer will come to the counter to be rung up, whip out their credit card at the VERY beginning (before anything is even scanned), and hold it in ma' face the ENTIRE time. Ummmm....do you seriously not realize that nothing has been done yet? I haven't even picked up one of your items and you already have your credit card out and in ma' face.

I don't know who I hate more......the customer that leaves the credit card on the counter for me to pick up, or the customer who holds their credit card in ma' face for 2-3 minutes while I'm scanning their items.

It's great that you're prepared and ready to pay for your purchase *gold star!*, but damn....back the credit card up!! Sometimes they hold it so close to me that it literally gets in the way while I'm scanning each item...yet they still don't move. Once in awhile I just have to take it out of their hands and place it down on the counter, so I don't reach the point where I freak out and throw it across the store.

There is an order in which things HAVE to be done, people.....I can't swipe your credit card BEFORE your items are scanned. If I did that, you'd be paying for n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Why is that so hard to understand??

Get yo' credit card outta ma' face!

Not Taking the Receipt

2009-09-08T11:36:00.019-04:00

The following are the different scenarios that happen when customers don't want their receipt (in no specific order).....

1. Refusing to take it---> I'll be handing them their receipt and they literally refuse it. They don't put out their hand to take it, they usually put out their hand like they're going to smack mine if I don't move it soon.

2. Leaving it on the counter---> The customer takes the receipt when I give it to them, the transaction/interaction is over, they leave......I glance over at the counter and there's the receipt. Just sitting there waiting to be thrown away. Cuz, you know...it's waaaay too much effort for them to ask me to throw it away.

3. The head-shake---> Rather than just saying, "I don't need the receipt", they give me the silent head-shake. Like when you ask a little kid if they want some more broccoli and they give you that 10 second *nooooooooooooo* shaking-of-the-head.

4. "I'm gonna let you keep that"---> Is what they say to me. Oh, thanks!! You're gonna let me (!) KEEP your receipt??!! What did I do to deserve THIS?? I can't believe you're letting me....Soweeeeeet! I'm gonna stash it in my special "receipt box" I keep behind the counter and take home with me at the end of the day. Yes! One more for the collection!!

5. "I'm gonna let you throw that away"---> Oh my gosh, I'm allowed (!) to throw away your receipt?? Wow, thank you.....what an honor! I don't know what to say.....

Actually, I DO know what to say. How about you just TAKE the damn receipt, you annoying human being...OR, ask me *nicely* to throw it away for you. None of this "letting me" crap or staying mute while silently refusing this piece of paper.

I can get it cheaper online...

2009-09-07T18:45:00.011-04:00

People often come in and when I tell them the price of something they respond with, "I can get it cheaper online." Awesome, dude. Then get it online. DO IT. Oh, and thanks for telling me! Have fun paying $10-20 for shipping!!

You know what, yes.....some things you can find cheaper online. That's not the point. The point is a. Wouldn't you want to support your local, independent businesses? and b. Why do you feel the need to tell me that you aren't going to make your purchase here? You can just say thanks and walk away. I don't need your online attitude, bro.

A major reason why sales have dropped for independent businesses is having to compete with online purchasing from Amazon, etc. So why must you remind me of this, douche? Do you think I'm going to be like, "Ohhhhhh....you can find it cheaper online?? *flaky giggle* Wow, let me give you a huge discount and a big high five!"

*Soup Nazi inspired* "No discounts or high fives for YOU!"

I'm RIGHT here. I can HEAR you.

2009-09-07T15:09:00.005-04:00

I DESPISE this....rather than just coming up and asking me where something is, a customer will be right in front of me and loUDLY say to the person they're with, "I don't see it, do you see it? Maybe they don't have it..." and continue to look around for it. Or they'll walk up to their friend, right in front of me, and say....."Why don't you ask her if they carry it?"

Hellooooooooooooo?! I'm RIGHT HERE people! I can HEAR YOU! Why don't you stop all of this passive aggressive BS and just tell me what you're looking for!! What is the point in even saying these things to each other? Seriously, what is the point??

I'M. RIGHT. HEEEEEEEEEEEERE.

Quote of the Day

2009-09-05T11:10:00.007-04:00

"Can I get another rubber?"

Double-Parked

2009-09-02T11:17:00.006-04:00

Often we get customers who double-park and run into the store for something. Just because they've made the bad decision to leave their car in the middle of the road with their hazards on, they expect you to drop everything and tend to them.

This causes a problem when you're already helping a customer. *hehehe* As a result they hover, breathe heavy, let out big sighs, wave their hands/arms and usually break down and just blatantly interrupt.

Regardless if you can answer their question or direct them to what they're looking for, they still have to wait until you're done with the customer. *hehehe*

When it's their "turn" to be helped and pay for their purchase, you can usually find them frantically looking out the window scouting for meter maids. I'll be standing there waiting for them to walk back over and give me their money.....once again, on THEIR time.

What bothers me most about this type of situation is that people expect things to happen on their time and their time ONLY. They expect me to abandon the customer I'm in the middle of helping and tend to them because they might get a ticket.

When I'm handing someone their money and have to wait for them to stop messing with their Blackberry, I don't throw a hissy-fit. I don't let out any big sighs or start waving my hands and arms. *There might be times when I'd like to, but I refrain from doing so.*

You have chosen to double-park your car. I realize that you don't want a ticket, but you need to CHILL OUT and wait your turn. Maybe next time instead of making the foolish decision to abandon your car in the middle of the road, you can actually *crazy idea* park it in a parking spot. I know it's a hard concept to fathom, but lots of people do it every single day.

Lower. Your. Voice.

2009-09-01T15:33:00.012-04:00

Today my co-worker and I were standing around the counter chatting and some guy's cell phone starting to ring. By ring, I mean blasting some awful ringtone at fuLL VOLUME! Why is it that whenever someone's ridiculously loud cell phone starts to ring there's no sense of urgency to either silence the phone or answer it quickly??

He s-l-o-w-l-y took it out of his pocket....took a nice, long look at the screen to figure out who was calling and finally answered it.

Well, I thought his awful ringtone was loUD. Nope. Not at all in comparison to the volume at which this man was speaking, or shall I say *screeeeeaming*.

::*Forget megaphones! Just hire this dude to yell out what you need heard*::

I was in the middle of a sentence and I literally could not hear myself speak. I attempted to repeat my sentence, but was cut off by the loudness of his voice....like someone had put duct tape over my mouth or pinched my vocal chords.

He was standing only a few feet away and was completely unaware of how loud he was and clearly unaware of how rude he was being.

I looked at my co-worker with wide-eyes (in disbelief that this was actually happening) and started h-y-s-t-e-r-i-c-a-l-l-y laughing at how ridiculous he was. My back was turned, but even if it wasn't it wouldn't have mattered! This guy was SO unaware of anything going on around him....PLUS, he wouldn't have been able to heeeear me giggling because he was talking SO DAMN LOUD!

Lower. Your. Voice.

Warning: Knives are SHARP (Part 4)

2009-08-27T10:41:00.012-04:00

When you're handing a knife back to me, for god's sake don't give it to me like I'm supposed to grab it by the tip of the blade. Turn it around, carefully hold the blade *sharp side away from fingers* and let me grab it by the handle. Since most of you are so careless, it's not really a good idea to point the blade at me only a few inches away from my body. Most of the time you're not paying attention and I really don't feel like being punctured, sliced or shanked.

This particular situation happens every single day. A few years ago I was showing a woman a bunch of paring knives and when she went to hand them back to me, not only was she looking the other way talking to someone, but she was trying to hand me the 3 knives in a cluster---blades facing me. This is when I wish that instead of having to say something, I could just squirt customers with a water gun.....like you do to cats when they're doing something they're not supposed to do.

So I say to her, "Ma'am, you can place the knives down and I'll take them one-by-one." Of course, she doesn't hear me because she's still not paying attention and instead has moved her arm even closer to me.....tips of the blades inches away. I'm like, *loUDER* "Ma'am, I can't take the knives from you like that. You need to place them down on the counter."

She stops yapping to her friend, realizes what she had been doing, acts "shocked" and starts giggling at her carelessness. I don't find it funny. I don't find it amusing. Snap out of it, lady......knives are SHAAAAAAARP!

Braids

2009-08-26T17:47:00.019-04:00

"Braids" is a nickname I gave to one of our customers......let me paint the picture for you: lady (probably in her early 40s), wore a jean-jumper with a pastel colored turtleneck, colored socks that were visible, outdated shoes (prob Keds) and ALWAYS had two braids like Laura from Little House On The Prairie. *smokin' hot*

Braids came in just about every day for about 2 or 3 months--not once, not twice, but usually about three times a day.....with her dog, Ralphie (poor Ralphie). The thing about Braids that set her apart from all the other jean-jumper-wearing weirdos is that everything she bought HAD to be stainless steel. Not aluminum, not tinned steel, but stainless steeeeeeel.

She'd come in for her first trip of the day and find something that she liked made out of stainless steel. She'd hold it for awhile, think about it, then leave with poor little Ralphie.

Sometimes she'd be back in 20 minutes, sometimes a few hours......needless to say, she'd be back for her second trip of the day. She'd find the stainless steel item she was obsessing over, hold it for awhile, think about it.....sometimes she'd come up to the counter and in her quiet, mousy voice confirm with us that it was, in fact, made out of stainless steel.

One day she was obsessing over a utensil bar, made out of none other than......can you guess, can you guess?! Stainless steel! DING DING DING!!!

She placed the utensil bar on the table, took a few steps back, crossed her arms/hand up to chin, stared at it and pondered.

After staring and pondering for a long time, instead of hanging it back up on the pot rack hook where she got it from she decided to "hide it"---cuz you know, someone might buy it in between her second and third trip to the store!

She proceeded to lay it on the top of the pot rack...not sure whether she thought maybe someone wouldn't be able to see it or reach it, but I watched the entire thing. I saw it! I could reach it! As soon as she left I took it down and hung it back up with a very puzzled look on my face.

Another day...she came in, performed her usual routine and decided to buy a tea bag holder. About an hour later she called and asked if the entire thing was made out of stainless steel. The answer was "no". A little while later she came back for probably the third or fourth time that day and returned it....cuz, you know, it wasn't entirely made out of stainless steeeeeeel!

I came to the conclusion that Braids lived in a stainless steel house where EVERYTHING was stainless steel.....toilet seat, table, chairs, BED. (I bet she's neighbors with the "Made in China" people!) Man, poor Ralphie.....

Quote of the Day

2009-08-26T15:29:00.011-04:00

"Is this what you bake a cake in?" *holding round cake pan*

Two Dishwashers

2009-08-25T13:44:00.019-04:00

There was a lady in the store one day shopping with a few of her friends. She came up to the register to pay and noticed a magnet we sell: a rotating magnet for your dishwasher....one side says "Clean", the other says "Dirty".

She turned to her friends and said, "I should totally get this magnet. The kids are always asking which dishwasher to put the dishes in, it's really annoying."

I expected her friends to start giggling and ranting about their own duplicate-appliance 'troubles'. Instead, her one friend blurted..."Ohhhhh, your kids don't know which dishwasher is clean or dirty, which one to put the dirty dishes in....how annoying."

I did everything in my power to not start fist-pumping and woo-ing, like I was watching a boxing match. All I could do was give her a *mental*......high-fiiiiiiiiive!

Warning: Knives are SHARP (Part 3)

2009-08-25T13:35:00.007-04:00

::Prefacing this post with *DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME*, doesn't make you cool::

We get some dudes who come in to look at knives who are "experts". How do I know they're "experts"? Oh, because they test how sharp the knives are by shaving the hair off their arms/knuckles, scraping away at their skin and chipping away at their fingernails.

You know what, some might say that's the way to do it.......fine (not really). But when these dudes leave their hair, skin and fingernail shavings on the knife and hand it back to you---that's when we have a problem, Captain. *gag*

Do you not seeeeeee the black hairs you've left on the edge of the blade?! Are you unawaaaaare that there are thin pieces of your skin dangling from the edge?! Do you not seeeeeee the shavings of your grungy fingernails that are sitting on the edge of the knife?!

I can see the hairs. I can see the skin. I can see the fingernail shavings. I now know that you are definitely the dude who leaves pee on the toilet seat and doesn't flush. That's basically what you're doing right now. You are handing me your pee-puddled toilet seat.

You may as well pull up a chair and start pedi-egging your feet in front of me. *gag*

My point, Captain, is that you don't have to shave off pieces of your body in order to find out if the knives are sharp...doesn't make you an "expert", doesn't make you cool. However, if you insist on doing this.....clean off the damn knife before handing it back to me. And please, please, pleeeaaaase don't cut yourself in the process!

Warning: Knives are SHARP (Part 2)

2009-08-19T01:00:00.020-04:00

The knives we carry are hanging behind the counter for a reason. They're there so that WE pull them down for customers, not the other way around. Cuz, you know.....they're sharp and stuff.

So why is it, then, that customers feel NO barrier and mosey on back there to haphazardly take knives off the wall? Oh, and by 'take off the wall', I mean carelessly yank the sharp objects and let them dangle from their slimy, ungripped hands....

What's really awesome is when someone comes behind the counter, starts messing with the knives......I give them the "Sir, we prefer that customers don't take the knives off the wall. I'd be happy to pull them down for you" and they continue to do what they're doing. Let me rephrase that...."Douche, we don't want you back here cuz you'll cut yourself or break something. BACK. UP."

Or they act super surprised, like "Ohhh, gosh, what was I thinking?" Yeah douche, what were you thinking?

What's even betterrrrr is when someone clearly doesn't know how to get the knife off the wall and drops one or two.....Cool lady, I needed some puncture wounds on my feet. How'd ya know?!

That's usually the cue to back up, try and wipe the *what are you doooooooing?* look off my face and stop the situation from getting worse.

The knives are behind the counter for a reason people......they're SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP.

When a Customer's Got Yo' Back

2009-08-18T12:48:00.009-04:00

So it's a rare occasion, but every once in awhile a customer comes in who's got yo' back.

A few years ago one of our chronic returners/neurotic customers (we'll call her "CRNC") came in to ask me 1000 ridiculous questions about something. She had brought a catalog to show me that was in her bag, so she bent down to get it. In the meantime, there had been a woman walking around shopping who was ready to pay. So while CRNC was digging through her bag of crazy, I started ringing the other woman up.

As soon as CRNC came up for air and realized I was helping another customer, she got upset *wide, crazy eyes* and blurted, "Well, you were helping meeee." I responded with, "I'll be right with you. You were looking through your bag and this customer was ready to pay."

She got extremely flustered and started murmuring under her breath, "Well, I let people take advantage of me", "It's my own fault really, I let them do it", etc. The customer I was helping gave me the *wtf is she tawkin' about* look, turned to CRNC and said, "Actually, that's not what's happening at all. She isn't taking advantage of you....no one is taking advantage of you. You were digging through your bag and I was ready to check out."

CRNC just stared at her and kept her mouth shut. I did everything in my power not to raise my hand and give this lady a high five. We finished up the transaction, I gave her big smile and a very loud, "Have a nice day" and went back to crazyland with CRNC.

So yes, it is an extremely rare occasion.....but every once in awhile, a customer's got yo' back!

Leaving Things on the Counter (Part 1)

2009-08-18T10:51:00.012-04:00

I've never understood this--->Someone will be shopping around the store and will repeatedly walk up to the counter to leave what they're buying there and continue shopping. I can understand if they were buying something large like a toaster or coffee machine.....no problem, leave it there! Hell, I'll probably take it out of your hands and put it there for you.

Why, though, must they "drop off" e-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-l-e item on the counter while they're shopping? It's not that they juuuuust so happen to be near the counter and decide to leave it there. They could be at the very front of the store......and they still walk over and place the item down on the counter. They could be at the very back of the store.....and they still walk over and place the item down on the counter.

Is that their form of exercise everyday? Doing laps back and forth with "heavy" objects like wooden spoons, bottle stoppers and pop-up sponges?

It not only crowds the counter, it's also a TOTAL pump-fake. Each time they come up to the register, they stay juuuuust long enough to where I think they're done shopping......propose the question, "Are you all set?" and get the giggly, "Noooo, (hehe) still shopping" response.

*Fantasy scenario*......"Oh, (hehe) you're still shopping?" (walk over, grab a basket--clear everything off the counter with one big swipe of the arm) *hand them basket* "Here you go, Dorothy."

"Do you need help finding anything?"

2009-08-17T17:08:00.009-04:00

Simple question...."Do you need help finding anything?"

That doesn't mean, sort of mumble an answer that trails off into the windy sounds coming from the A/C. That also doesn't mean, sort of include me while you mumble throughout your entire shopping experience in the store.

This is an instance when I would like for you to ignore me. Answer my question and move on, please.

When Adults Act Like Babies

2009-08-12T12:57:00.008-04:00

What it really boils down to, is that I am a babysitter. I have to babysit these "adults" aka "adult babies" every day. I have to make sure they don't break anything, cut themselves with knives....I have to show them how to use something as simple as an orange peeler, tell them "NO" when they're doing something they shouldn't be doing. Too bad I can't give them a time-out or have them go stand in the corner when they're bad. *::fantasizing::*

There's nothing more disturbing or unattractive than when one of the adult babies (AB's) ask me something and when it's not what they want to hear, they do one or many of the following:

-pout and give me the 'puppy dog face'
-respond in a baby voice
-pretend to cry
-have a slight 'baby fit' where they shake their body, make an ugly face and make weird noises

What. Is. Wrong. With. You. You are 45 years old. Do you think that if you do those things, what you're looking for is magically going to appear? This isn't a Disney movie, AB. I am not your fairy godmother that's going to wave her wand and make kitchen supplies appear out of nowhere.

When this happens, I don't let the "you're pathetic" look even appear on my face. I just watch them in disbelief, instantly embarrassed for them and the way they're behaving. Like when a child is flipping out and the parent just stands there and waits for them to stop. Yup. That's me. Except I'm only the babysitter. The AB babysitter. I can't tell the "adults" they're acting like babies.....

MUST COME IN BOX.

2009-08-11T16:46:00.013-04:00

Customers want all of the products they buy to come in a BOX. It doesn't matter if they're buying a toaster oven or just a silly little orange peeler---> MUST COME IN BOX.

(If we kept the boxes for all of the products we carry, we'd be limited to maaaaybe 100 items.....given the space we have in the store. The majority of packaging in and/or around the product is usually completely unnecessary and a waste of treeeeeees!)

God for-freakin-bid we don't have a box and the item the customer is purchasing is a gift. Hasn't anyone ever heard of gift BAGS?! I always suggest putting it in a gift bag and am usually shot down with either a dirty look or MAJOR confusion.....like, "I can put this in a gift bag? Really?". Really, I pinky swear you can! They come in all sizes and colors...some of them are even SPARKLY!!!

What puzzles me the most is when as soon as they hear it doesn't come in a box (even if there was never a box for it in the first place), they decide not to buy it. Like, let's trek over to Williams Sonoma and pay double the amount of $ just because it comes in a BOX.

MUST COME IN BOX. MUST COME IN BOX.

Mispronunciation of the Day

2009-08-11T16:35:00.010-04:00

"I'm looking for a julie-Anner peeler."

Are you tawking to ME?

2009-08-11T12:35:00.018-04:00

The perfect example of what I'm about to tawk about happened today at work: I had just gotten off the phone with a customer and was gathering the pieces of paper I had just written on when a lady off to my right mumbles, "Do you have a powdered sugar shaker?". I could barely hear/understand her, so I looked over at her...she was facing the wall. I'm thinking..."Are you tawking to me?, "Are you tawking to your friend who's standing right there with you?", "Who are you tawwwwking toooooo?"

I say, "Were you saying something to me?". She says, *still not looking at me*..."Yes, do you have a powdered sugar shaker?"

This type of interaction happens ALL THE TIME. I'll be standing at the opposite end of the store doing something and a customer blurts something out and expects me to know that they're tawking to me.

I know I'm asking for a lot, okay....but could you please start off your question or statement with an "Excuse me", "Pardon", or "I have a question for you" so that I know you're speaking to me--especially if you're not going to have the decency to look at me while doing it.

I'll tell you the ways of getting my attention that definitely don't fly with me, or anyone else working in retail for that matter....

1. snapping---makes me wanna snap you.

2. heeelloooooo---not a hello, but a heeellooooo....makes me wanna deliver a, "Hi, asshole."

3. waving the product in the air---
a. are you having a tremor?
b. are you waving at me? Ohhh, hey!
c. are you cheering for a team, imagining that the cheese grater
you're flailing is a pom-pom?....GOOOOO, Tigers!

My ideal response, *Jersey style*..."Are you tawkin' to ME?!

Mispronunciation of the Day

2009-08-10T11:58:00.013-04:00

"I need a knife for fille-Ting fish."

The "Made in China" People

2009-08-04T11:45:00.010-04:00

The "Made in China" people are the customers who won't buy anything that's made in China. You know what, to each his own. I could care less. However, if you're going to insist on being picky.....learn how to read a label, cuz damn....every single item they pick up they have to ask if it's "Made in China".

What's even more annoying is when a customer is looking for something very specific that you can't find anywhere----we have it! (yay)....BUT it's made in China. So the product you've been looking to find for the past 5 years is sitting in your hand right now, but it's MADE IN CHINA! Oh no, can't buy it! I guess they'll just have to spend another 5 years looking for the same damn thing, except made somewhere else. Good luck, cuz you're never going to find it.

It's like, you've wasted hours upon hours of your life for the past 5 years trying to find the stainless steel (brushed, not polished) kitchen towel holder, 4 inches by 2 inches.....the "best product ever" (have to hear that about 8 times throughout the visit) and you have finally found the only store that carries it and you just won't budge. Really? What is wrong with you?

It'd be fun to pull the labels off of all the merchandise and when one of the "Made in China" people comes in and asks where something is made....."That wooden spoon? France!", "The zester? Sweden!", "Espresso maker? Italy!".

I sometimes wonder if the "Made in China" people all live in a house together where nothing they own or touch is made in China...

This is MY dance space, this is YOURS...

2009-08-03T15:04:00.008-04:00

Customers feel the need to 'get up in ma' space' way too often than I'd like. What I mean by 'way too often than I'd like' is that I never want you people closer than 18-24 inches from me. I can hear you. I can see you. I can feel your breath on my faaaaaace.

There are times when my personal space is being invaded and when I immediately take two steps back, they take two steps forward---like a magnet. I feel like if I started miming, they'd mime right back! Oh NO...clown image in my head. ::*deep breath*:: I'm okay. Phew.

Anyway, my point is it's not cool. We don't need to be toe-to-toe or holding hands for me to answer your question. Hasn't anyone seen that movie with all the dancing? This ( _____ ) is MY dance space, this ( _____ ) is YOURS...

Manicures

2009-08-03T14:21:00.004-04:00

Lots of women come into the store to shop for kitchen stuff right after they've gotten their nails "did". Even if you can't see the lovely manicure they've just gotten, you can tell their nails were just "did" because of the way they handle the merchandise: pinkie up, trying to avoid fingertip contact, palming everything like they're Michael Jordan palming a basketball.

Naturally, when they're ready to pay for their items they need me to help pull out the money/credit card out of their wallet because they don't want to ruin their nails. You're going to think I'm being sarcastic about what I'm about to say, but I'm not.....really. I don't mind pulling the money out. (I pinky-swear I'm being serious) They are actually usually really nice about it and we have this really corny "girlie" moment where we giggle and give each other the 'we've all been there' look.

I'm sure a manicured woman in the future with change my mind about this assessment, but for now......eh, I'll pull out the money. I sure as hell don't have a manicure to ruin...

Mouth Full

2009-07-27T11:53:00.015-04:00

It grosses me out when people eat while they're asking me questions and I'm helping them. Whether it be sunflower seeds or an ice cream cone...it's never a good thing.

While the dude's cracking down on the sunflower seeds, I'm just waiting for a piece of the shell to fly in my eye or hit me in the face. "Can you pleeeeease just halt your chewing for a minute or two while I answer your question?! I can see all of those chewed up seeds floating around in your mouth when you're talking to me, yuck!"....is what I'd like to say to him. Instead, I stand a few extra feet away, squint, and hope for the best.

The person eating the ice-cream cone....I'd like them to please, please, pleeeease stop licking the ice cream for ONE MINUTE! It's like watching a soft porn (pun intended). I realize that ice cream melts, but I don't need to see this. ::*rickety voice*:: Thaaaaaat's nooooot riiiiiight.

Chewing with your mouth open = Yuck. Talking (mouth automatically open) to me while eating/chewing = YUUUUUCK.

Dear Customer (Part deux)

2009-07-27T10:40:00.005-04:00

Dear Customer,

Thank you for acknowledging my "Hello" and responding with your own greeting. If I compare you to the customers who ignore me when I say hi, I'd say I don't dislike you as much as I do them. If you're wondering why there's a part of me that still dislikes you, here's why.....you may have said hello, but you did it with your BACK to me.

Personally, I don't understand this. I don't think I have ever spoken to someone without turning around and looking at them. It makes me wonder about you people. I bet you're one of those parents whose kids are always jumping at your feet asking you questions and you either ignore them or don't look at them when you're talking to them. Did your parents do that to you and now you think it's okay to do the same to other people?

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate you saying hello....like I said, I don't dislike you ask much as I do the others who just ignore me. I just can't fathom not turning around to see/look at the person I'm speaking to. Those colanders you're looking at aren't soooooo fantastic that you can't take your eyes off of them.

Some people may not think this is an issue (you're probably one of them), but I just think it's plain rude to speak to someone without looking at them.

::*Looking away*:: Have a lovely day!

Dear Customer (Part une)

2009-07-26T23:51:00.004-04:00

Dear Customer,

When you walk into the store and I greet you with a friendly "Hello", please acknowledge my "hello". It's the nice and proper thing to do. You don't have to respond with the same greeting, there are a variety of things you could say. Like....."Hey", or "Oh, hi", or "Bonjour", or "Yo yo", or even just simply hit me up with a smile.

Sometimes when you don't respond, I think...maybe they didn't hear me, I'll give it another try. But when you don't respond to my second and louDER "Hello", I think....damn, you're just plain rude.

I realize that some of you are weird and afraid of social interactions, but most of you that don't respond just choose not to.

Maybe the next time one of you asks to use the bathroom because you're about to pee in your pants, I'll just pretend not to hear you....like you pretend not to hear me.

Have a great day!

Quote of the Day

2009-07-25T21:40:00.007-04:00

"There were pots big enough for cannibals to cook people in."

"I'd like a BONER."

2009-07-25T18:00:00.006-04:00

You would not belieeeeeve how many men come up to the counter and say, "I'd like a boner." No joke. Instead of saying, "I'd like a boning knife", they say "I'd like a boner".....and they don't even flinch! It doesn't register in their brain that they've just asked FOR A BONER! Hah!

Adjectives + patience = WINNER!

2009-07-25T12:16:00.009-04:00

How are we, as educated human beings, supposed to know what product you're looking for when this is all we get from you: "I'm looking for this thing, it's kinda tall (gestures with hands, see pic above), used for making that dish...do you have it?" Well okay, let's see here....what is it used for? "That dish. You know? Forget it, you don't know what I'm talking about." Lady, you're EXACTLY right....I don't know what you're talking about. That's the only thought here that's absolutely clear--I have no idea what you're looking for!

How about instead of getting impatient and giving up, we play this really fun game where you try using some adjectives to describe what you're looking for! Like this: it's square, heat resistant, protects your hands when taking something hot out of the oven.....DING, DING, DING!!! A potholder! Yayyy!! You win! You get a gold star!

Warning: Knives are SHARP (Part 1)

2009-07-23T12:38:00.009-04:00

So we are a kitchen store that specializes in knives. What people tend to forget is KNIVES ARE SHARP and can cut you! Really, they can....I pinky swear. The way some customers handle the knives is nerve racking. I'm surprised these people graduated from butter knife to sharp 8" chef's knife. Never should've happened--in fact, I think all of their knives should be taken away from them and be left with just a fork and spoon. (Actually, you can do a lot of damage with a fork...let's take that away too. Just spoon.)

*Let me preface what I'm about to tell you by letting you know that I don't deal well with seeing other people's blood. Not fa' me.*

Okay, so a few years ago, I was showing a customer some knives. He definitely worked in the kitchen at one of the local restaurants, as he was in his white coat/checkered pants. The serrated knife he wanted to see was probably the sharpest one we had in the store. Instead of feeling how sharp the blade was the 'safe and proper' way, he proceeded to press the serrations into his thumb and drag it across the surface. I thought, "Oh god, here we go."

He quickly realized what he did and instead of acknowledging the he had just sliced his thumb (with a SERRATED BLADE, mind you) he held his finger against it to "stop" the bleeding. All I could do was STARE. He was asking me questions about the knives while his thumb was bleeding, bad. I didn't hear a word he was saying, came out of my freaked-out daze and interrupted him BLUNTLY and said, "Let me get you a paper-towel, cuz you're bleeding all over the place."

He wrapped his thumb with the paper towel and decided he'd buy everything that was in front of him. I'm thinking, "Hell yeah you'll buy all of it. Not selling this stuff to anyone else but YOU." He paid me in cash, one-handed cuz his thumb was still gushing. Gross. Yuck. Ew.

I'd bet 100 bucks he had to get stitches that day. What was most disturbing, aside from the blood, was that he didn't acknowledge that he cut himself. Obviously he was embarassed, but don't pretend you're not bleeeeeeeding. I can seeeeeeee it. It was like the 'pink elephant' in the middle of the room, except this one was a red, bloody elephant standing right in front of me.

Must you chat on your cell when I'm helping you?

2009-07-22T11:30:00.009-04:00

Okay, so you don't need to turn your cell phone OFF. Keep it on! I enjoy hearing the Akon ringtone coming from "Miss Burberry's" Blackberry while she's walking around the store...quite amusing.

However, is it really necessary to be talking on your phone when you're: A. asking me a question (Akon's about to "smack that", gotta answer it! It's my BF!), B. paying for your purchase (I'm "interrupting" you to tell you your total and ask if you'd like debit or credit, how rude of me...I'm really sorry, we cool?).

I have this craaaazy idea....perhaps you could ignore the call and call them back? Or end the call you're on before you ask me your question or pay for your stuff? I know it's outrageous to think--I shouldn't share such outlandish thoughts. Again, sorry....we cool?

Hand me your dollar bills and 98 cents in pennies, please...

2009-07-21T22:09:00.007-04:00

So let me ask you this....when I put my hand out to take your money, why do you place your dollar bills and 98 cents in pennies directly in front of my hand on the counter? I'm happy to take your $. In fact, I have no problem with people taking 3-5 minutes to find/count out their exact change...not a problem. I do not, however, understand why people throw their $ on the counter and don't even think twice about picking up their bills and cents and placing them in my hand that has been hanging (for 3-5 minutes) right in front of them.

Do me a favor...next time you're paying for something, don't leave your money on the counter for the cashier to scoop up like they're your servant---> hand it to them instead. We hand you your change, so hand us your dollar bills and 98 cents in change, please...

Retail Etiquette 101

Mark your calendar!

I can spell "Bob", seriously.

*Quote of the Day*

Credit Card Lady.....*cough*

*Quote of the Day*

Slobbery Money

Onion Goggles

Always In My Way

*Quote of the Day*

MY time vs. YOUR time

The Cleaning Lady Always Gets Blamed

Baby Steps _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Get yo' credit card outta ma' face

Not Taking the Receipt

I can get it cheaper online...

I'm RIGHT here. I can HEAR you.

*Quote of the Day*

Double-Parked

Lower. Your. Voice.

Warning: Knives are SHARP (Part 4)

Braids

*Quote of the Day*

Two Dishwashers

Warning: Knives are SHARP (Part 3)

Warning: Knives are SHARP (Part 2)

When a Customer's Got Yo' Back

Leaving Things on the Counter (Part 1)

"Do you need help finding anything?"

When Adults Act Like Babies

MUST COME IN BOX.

*Mispronunciation of the Day*

Are you tawking to ME?

*Mispronunciation of the Day*

The "Made in China" People

This is MY dance space, this is YOURS...

Manicures

Mouth Full

Dear Customer (Part deux)

Dear Customer (Part une)

*Quote of the Day*

"I'd like a BONER."

Adjectives + patience = WINNER!

Warning: Knives are SHARP (Part 1)

Must you chat on your cell when I'm helping you?

Hand me your dollar bills and 98 cents in pennies, please...

Quote of the Day

Credit Card Lady.....cough

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

Mispronunciation of the Day

Mispronunciation of the Day

Quote of the Day