Mark your calendar!

Okay, so I think I've established the fact that I deal with a lot of annoying, rude customers. Well what *really* brightens my day, is when one of the ARC's (Annoying Rude Customers) calls, chews my ear off asking 1000 questions and then tells me EXACTLY what day and time they'll be coming in. Awesome!

So not only have I had to deal with you on the phone, but now I can mark off your next visit on my freakin calendar. Yay! I'm *so* glad you told me when you'll be coming in......something to look forward to!!

At least *surprise* me with your annoying self. ::*jeeze*:: Now when that day comes, I'm gonna cringe every time a customer walks through that door thinking it's YOU. Why don't you just give me a description of what you'll be wearing, too.....so at least I know it's you, the ARC, walking in to torment me!

I can spell "Bob", seriously.

When I'm writing down a customer's name and phone number, this often happens......

Me: "Your last name?"

Them: "Smith. S, as in Sam. M, as in Mary. I, as in Indiana. T, as in Tom. H, as in Hawaii."

Me: "Your first name?"

Them: "Nancy. N, as in nice. A, as in apple. N, as in nice. C, as in cat. Y, as in yes."

Okay, SERIOUSLY?! You are standing right in front of me. You are literally a few inches away from my ears and you're spelling out something as simple as "Smith" & "Nancy"?! We're *not* on the phone, we are practically touching hands and you feel the need to spell out your ENTIRE name!

What is wrong with you?! Are you trying to make your boring-a** name sound more interesting by spelling it out and making references to apples and Hawaii? NOT. WORKINGGG.

How about I spell *this* out for you......

I'M ---> I, as in idiot. M, as in moron.

NOT ---> N, as in nuisance. O, as in obnoxious. T, as in time to stop spelling "Nancy".

FIVE ---> F, as in foolish. I, as in ignorant. V, as in very stupid. E, as in education...which apparently you don't think I have, because you're standing here spelling out "Nancy Smith".

You got that, Nancy?? "I'm. Not. Five." As in.....I'm not five-years-old. I CAN SPELL.

I'm just *waiting* for the day that "Bob" comes in and tries spelling out his name for me!

*Quote of the Day*

"I need one that's long and pointy."

Credit Card Lady.....*cough*

So I was getting over a bad cold, but still couldn't shake my cough. I was ringing a lady up at the register and when I told her the total she takes out her credit card, pauses and says to me, "Can *she* swipe my credit card?" (pointing to my co-worker) My co-worker tells her, "Oh, she can swipe it for you." I'm thinking, lady, why are you asking her when *I'm* the one ringing you up and helping you?

The woman says to her, "She's sick." My co-worker tells her, "Well, she *just* washed her hands." (which was true, I had JUST washed my hands) "And JUST coughed on them," the lady snootily responds.

She tells me that she just got over being sick......she was so sick she had to take time off work, blah blah blah. All the while *clinging* to her credit card for dear life!

My co-worker then chimes in and says, "Actually, I caught a cold from *her*.....so she's getting better and I'm getting worse." ::*love it!*:: The mortified look on her face was PRICELESS. She had this look like, "Oh jesus, what am I gonna doooooo?!! They're all sick! They're all gonna get ME sick!!"

She then had the balls to ask me, "Can I come around the counter and swipe it?" I'm thinking......helloooooooooooooo, you moron! The doorknob you touched when you walked in the store is 1000x's more dirty than my freakin' hands! If you're soooo worried about getting sick, why did you even leave your damn house this morning? You couldn't go another day without that *precious* sponge?!?!

I tell her NO, but if she'd like me to I will go wash my hands. (I'm thinking, has it really come to this? This woman is that *scared* of me getting her sick that she won't hand over her credit card.) She stood there contemplating what she should do.....wasting my freakin' time. *Losing my patience* I tell her AGAIN, if you'd like me to go wash my hands, I will.

After a very long *annoying* pause, she says, "Okay, yes."

I went and washed my *germy* hands and she forked over the card......FINALLY. It took all of the willpower I had in me not to cough all over that goddamn credit card and throw it in her face, *frisbee style*!

*Quote of the Day*

"Hold it real tight so it doesn't shoot out the end."

Slobbery Money

Why, oh WHY, do you need to lick your fingers before taking out your dollar bills and handing them to me? They're not brand new bills that are sticking together. In fact, they're wrinkly old bills that are very easy to take out one by one withOUT licking your fingers.

Do you think I now want to touch those bills? The answer is no......NO. I don't want to have anything to do with those bills now that you've touched them with your slobbery fingers. Gross. Let me go grab a pair of tongs.....seriously.

Would you like it if I spit on my fingers before giving you back your change?....What was that?....No, you wouldn't? Yeah, I didn't think so. Then why would you think I would be okay with it? Not cool....in fact, disgusting.

Onion Goggles

People are OBSESSED with Onion Goggles. I've never seen anyone get so excited and giddy as do customers when they discover that we have onion goggles. Most people don't even know they exist, so when they stumble upon them they seriously have a laughing fit for at least 2 minutes.

"Onion Goggles??!! Hahahahahahahahaha." Ummm...... seriously? Chill. Calm down. They're just onion goggles. You really don't need them, but if you're gonna buy them can you *please* not discuss how funny they are or how usually you take your kids' swim goggles when you're cutting an onion and now you'll have a pair of your own!

Had a woman purchase a pair recently and she asked, "What are my color options?" I said, "Black." She responded with, "Tah, seriously?!" Uh, yeah lady.....seriously. *Seriously*....you don't need the goggles to match your outfit. *hair-twirl, flaky giggle* It's okay, black matches EVERYTHING!!!