I can spell "Bob", seriously.

When I'm writing down a customer's name and phone number, this often happens......

Me: "Your last name?"

Them: "Smith. S, as in Sam. M, as in Mary. I, as in Indiana. T, as in Tom. H, as in Hawaii."

Me: "Your first name?"

Them: "Nancy. N, as in nice. A, as in apple. N, as in nice. C, as in cat. Y, as in yes."

Okay, SERIOUSLY?! You are standing right in front of me. You are literally a few inches away from my ears and you're spelling out something as simple as "Smith" & "Nancy"?! We're *not* on the phone, we are practically touching hands and you feel the need to spell out your ENTIRE name!

What is wrong with you?! Are you trying to make your boring-a** name sound more interesting by spelling it out and making references to apples and Hawaii? NOT. WORKINGGG.

How about I spell *this* out for you......

I'M ---> I, as in idiot. M, as in moron.

NOT ---> N, as in nuisance. O, as in obnoxious. T, as in time to stop spelling "Nancy".

FIVE ---> F, as in foolish. I, as in ignorant. V, as in very stupid. E, as in education...which apparently you don't think I have, because you're standing here spelling out "Nancy Smith".

You got that, Nancy?? "I'm. Not. Five." As in.....I'm not five-years-old. I CAN SPELL.

I'm just *waiting* for the day that "Bob" comes in and tries spelling out his name for me!

Credit Card Lady.....*cough*

So I was getting over a bad cold, but still couldn't shake my cough. I was ringing a lady up at the register and when I told her the total she takes out her credit card, pauses and says to me, "Can *she* swipe my credit card?" (pointing to my co-worker) My co-worker tells her, "Oh, she can swipe it for you." I'm thinking, lady, why are you asking her when *I'm* the one ringing you up and helping you?

The woman says to her, "She's sick." My co-worker tells her, "Well, she *just* washed her hands." (which was true, I had JUST washed my hands) "And JUST coughed on them," the lady snootily responds.

She tells me that she just got over being sick......she was so sick she had to take time off work, blah blah blah. All the while *clinging* to her credit card for dear life!

My co-worker then chimes in and says, "Actually, I caught a cold from *her*.....so she's getting better and I'm getting worse." ::*love it!*:: The mortified look on her face was PRICELESS. She had this look like, "Oh jesus, what am I gonna doooooo?!! They're all sick! They're all gonna get ME sick!!"

She then had the balls to ask me, "Can I come around the counter and swipe it?" I'm thinking......helloooooooooooooo, you moron! The doorknob you touched when you walked in the store is 1000x's more dirty than my freakin' hands! If you're soooo worried about getting sick, why did you even leave your damn house this morning? You couldn't go another day without that *precious* sponge?!?!

I tell her NO, but if she'd like me to I will go wash my hands. (I'm thinking, has it really come to this? This woman is that *scared* of me getting her sick that she won't hand over her credit card.) She stood there contemplating what she should do.....wasting my freakin' time. *Losing my patience* I tell her AGAIN, if you'd like me to go wash my hands, I will.

After a very long *annoying* pause, she says, "Okay, yes."

I went and washed my *germy* hands and she forked over the card......FINALLY. It took all of the willpower I had in me not to cough all over that goddamn credit card and throw it in her face, *frisbee style*!

Warning: Knives are SHARP (Part 2)

The knives we carry are hanging behind the counter for a reason. They're there so that WE pull them down for customers, not the other way around. Cuz, you know.....they're sharp and stuff.

So why is it, then, that customers feel NO barrier and mosey on back there to haphazardly take knives off the wall? Oh, and by 'take off the wall', I mean carelessly yank the sharp objects and let them dangle from their slimy, ungripped hands....

What's really awesome is when someone comes behind the counter, starts messing with the knives......I give them the "Sir, we prefer that customers don't take the knives off the wall. I'd be happy to pull them down for you" and they continue to do what they're doing. Let me rephrase that...."Douche, we don't want you back here cuz you'll cut yourself or break something. BACK. UP."

Or they act super surprised, like "Ohhh, gosh, what was I thinking?" Yeah douche, what were you thinking?

What's even betterrrrr is when someone clearly doesn't know how to get the knife off the wall and drops one or two.....Cool lady, I needed some puncture wounds on my feet. How'd ya know?!

That's usually the cue to back up, try and wipe the *what are you doooooooing?* look off my face and stop the situation from getting worse.

The knives are behind the counter for a reason people......they're SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP.